


No Wings to Fly

by sockskip



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, Hinata Shouyou Needs a Hug, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Multi, No happy here, Sad Hinata Shouyou, Sick Hinata Shouyou, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, angst without happy ending, no beta we die like men, no happy ending, sorry Hinata, total angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27015148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sockskip/pseuds/sockskip
Summary: Hinata falls for the person who hates him most and for that he'll pay.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 27
Kudos: 175





	1. the start of the end

When Hinata first coughs up gardenia petals he wants to think it’s a joke. He wants to wake up from the terrible dream he’s having. He just couldn’t believe he fell in love with the person that hates him the most. He starts to cry knowing that Tsukishima will never love him back, not the way he loves Yamaguchi. Hinata knows he has to keep it a secret. 

All day Hinata has been in a daze just going with what happens. He’s been hit with Kageyama's sets all day except a few he’s managed to hit. Everyone on the team is looking at Hinata with worry in their eyes. Tsukishima on the other hand is getting annoyed with him messing up and not taking practice seriously. 

“HINATA STOP BEING STUPID AND SPIKE THE BALL!! THERE’S NO REASON TO BE MISSING IT WHEN THE KING IS SETTING IT RIGHT INTO YOUR HAND” Tsuki yells at him with a scowl on his face. 

Hinata snaps out of his daze and apologizes “Sorry guys I guess I’m not feeling so well today”.  
Daichi and Suga yell at him, asking him why he didn’t tell them. Hinata just tells them he didn’t want anyone to worry. He ends up sitting out the rest of practice. 

“Dumbass why didn’t you just sit out of practice… You know if you get sick I won’t toss you anymore” Kageyama says with a smirk on his face. 

He knows just what to say to rile up his best friend on a bad day. Hinata looks at him with a smile on his face, but with a sad undertone in his eyes. Kageyama notices but decides not to comment on it, he doesn’t want to force his best friend to tell him until he’s ready. 

Hinata and Kageyama decide to walk home together since Hinata wasn’t feeling well today. As Hinata is about to say goodbye to Kageayama he has the urge to cough. He grows in panic and runs inside. 

“No, no, no, no, no… Not in front of Kageyama” he thinks in his head. As he rushes inside of his house to get to the bathroom Kageyama follows him. Hinata finally makes it into his bathroom, and starts to throw up the gardenia petals. Kageyama looks at the toilet in horror as he sees his best friend throwing up flower petals. He starts thinking “ I thought Hanahaki was fake. I’ve never seen anyone with it or ever heard of actual cases.” 

He looks at Hinata expecting an explanation, but Hinata looks at him with a sad smile on his face. “Hinata who is it?” Kageyama asks, knowing Hinata won’t give him an answer. Kageyama already knew Hinata was bisexual, he would never judge his best friend knowing he had a crush on a guy. 

“Don’t worry about it Kageyama I bet it’s going to go away in a couple of days anyways!! What are you worried about me…?” Hinata said with a teasing smile on his face. Kageyama decides to spend a bit of time at Hinata's house just to make sure he’s okay. They end up playing some mario kart that Kenma let him borrow. After losing a few rounds Hinata suggests they do some homework they haven’t done. They end up not understanding so they just leave it alone. 

“Just go home already. I’m tired of looking at your face and I want to spend time with Natsu.” Hinata says with a smile on his face. 

Kageyama reluctantly leaves Hinata's house and leaves Hinata all alone. Once Hinata walks Kageyama out the door he runs up to his bedroom and starts to sob knowing that Hanahaki is never going away. It’s either going to kill him or he is going to have to get it removed, but he doesn’t want to lose his feelings for Tsukishima. Hinata knows that Tsukishima doesn’t actually hate him. He’s just not Tsukishima’s favorite, sure they’re teammates but that doesn’t mean that they’re friends. He sobs all night while throwing up the flowers. He finally falls asleep from exhaustion. He wakes up the next morning with his throat burning and feeling like shit. He gets ready for morning practice not really wanting to go, but again he doesn’t want anyone to worry. He meets up with Kageyama halfway to school, and Kageyama sees how tired Hinata looks. He’s not going to force Hinata to talk after what he saw yesterday. 

“Why are you coming to practice? You look like absolute shit….” Kageyama said while looking straight at Hinata. 

“I don’t want anyone to worry about me and ask where I am.”

“Dude Suga and Daichi are gonna ask you all types of questions looking the way you do now. You look like death hit you with a bus” Kageyama said with a smirk on his face. Trying to keep the conversation light. 

They both finally walk up to the doors of the gym and change out for practice. They set up the gym and wait for everyone else to show up to start practice. While they’re waiting they work on their quick attack. Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Suga, and Daichi all walk in and see Hinata and Kageyama working on the quick. 

“Nice work with not having the ball hit your face!!!” Tsukishima said with a small laugh and smirk. 

Once Hinata heard those words the ball hit him square in the face since he was focusing on Tsukishima words. 

“HINATA ARE YOU OKAY???” Suga and Daichi both yell while running up to him. 

“Yes I’m okay I just wasn’t paying attention” Hinata says while looking sheepish. Suga and Daichi look at him with suspension but let it go once he starts to banter with Kageyama.

“He’s been looking like a wreck these past two days, Daichi.” 

“He knows that if he needs to talk, he can always talk to us. And if he gets worse we’ll talk to him.”

“ALRIGHT LET'S START PRACTICE!!!” Coach Ukai yells to get everyone to start stretching. He separates everyone into partners to work on teamwork and to help each other with their weaknesses. He partners Yamaguchi with Kageyama, so Kageyama can help him with his serves. He partners Tsukishima and Hinata, so Tsukishima can help Hinata with blocking better. Everyone just falls into pairs. Coach Ukai specifically broke the first years up to better their relationship with each other.

“I’m stuck with shrimpy…Wow so much fun”

“You don’t have to be so rude to me Tsukishima!” 

“Well maybe if you weren't such a bad middle blocker I wouldn’t need to be teaching you how to be better.”

“You know just because I’m not tall doesn’t mean I can’t do what you do!! There’s no need to be mean to me.” 

“Whatever, let's just get this done. I’d rather not spend more time with you than necessary.”

Suga and Asahi are working on setting and spiking trying out this new technique they’ve been working on for the past couple of days. Tsukishima and Hinata use Asashi’s spikes to try and better their spikes against their ace. At this point they’ve been practicing for about an hour and class was about to begin so they start cleaning up the gym. As they’re cleaning Hinata starts to feel a coughing fit coming up. He runs to the restroom to make sure no one sees him, everyone looking with confusion in their eyes. Kageyama runs after him to make sure he’s okay since he knows exactly what’s happening. He chases Hinata to the restroom as fast as he can. He ends up hearing Hinata crying and heaving in one of the stalls, he walks up slowly and knocks. Hinata opens the stall door with his eyes red from crying. Kageyama sits down on the floor with him to give him some comfort. 

“Hinata you can’t let this control your life! You either need to tell the person you’re in love with or get it removed!! I can’t stand seeing you in pain like this.” 

“Kageyama I can’t do that, you know I would never do either of those things. You know what the surgery would do. And I could never tell him because I know he would never feel the same for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um so this is my first fanfic ever. I don't really know how good it is.... or if it is any good at all. If anyone reads this and wants me to continue it I will. Ummm also I don't really know how long this fic is going to be. But I am a senior in high school so if I do decide to continue the fic it will sometimes take awhile for me to update the fic, but if this gets a lot of love I will try and update it soon!! Thanks for reading if you did!!!!


	2. i'm shattered now

He ends up throwing up the flower petals until the end of practice. He checks his phone to see that class is about to begin and hurriedly cleans himself up. Kageyama and him run to the gym to change into their school uniform. Suga and Daichi are still in the gym waiting for them to ask them questions on why they just left in such a hurry. 

“Hinata are you okay? You don’t look so well. If you weren’t feeling fine then you could have just told me and Daichi.” 

“I’m fine!! I was just feeling a bit nauseous, I thought I was going to throw up. Don’t worry I’m totally fine!!” 

“Well if you’re ever not feeling fine then tell us okay? We need our best decoy always in tip top shape alright!! Okay enough talking go get dressed for class, we’ll see you at practice.”

They get dressed and head to class, getting scolded by their teacher for being late. Hinata was having a terrible day. Every five minutes feeling like he was going to cough up the flower petals. He looked pale and over all terrible. It didn’t make it better that he had not one, but two surprise quizzes which he knows he totally failed. Math and English were the least of his problems when he was dying. As lunch is approaching Kageyama and him head to the gym to practice and eat lunch. They end up bumping into Tsukishima and Yamaguchi holding hands heading to their lunch spot. Hinata sees this and can automatically feel the flowers wanting to spill out of his mouth. He runs off not wanting any of his teammates seeing him cough up the flowers. 

“What’s wrong with him? He acts like he just saw a ghost. Wait don’t tell me shrimpy doesn’t like gay people… Wow just when I thought he couldn’t get any worse.”

“SHUT UP TSUKISHIMA!!! You have no right to talk about Hinata like that. You don’t know anything about him. So keep your snarky comments to yourself and don’t talk about my best friend.” 

“Whatever… better go find your best friend before he ends up in a ditch somewhere.”

“Tsukki don’t say that about Hinata. Sorry about that Kageyama.”

“Don’t worry about it Yamaguchi. Tsukishima just doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut about things he doesn’t know about.” was the last thing he said to the pair before running off to find Hinata. He finds his best friend crouching behind the gym coughing up the petals he’s grown to hate. He can’t stand to see his best friend in pain and knowing someone is causing this. He bends down to help his friend up after his coughing fit. He helps Hinata to the restroom to clean himself up again. Kageyama tells him to rest up for the rest of lunch break so he isn’t that tired for the rest of their classes. Hinata listens to Kageyama and sleeps for about 15 minutes before they have to go to class. They get back to class and Hinata remembers nothing from class. It's all hazy and a blur in his mind. The day finally ends and they head to the gym for afternoon practice. Tanaka is the first to notice how terrible Hinata looks. 

“Hey Suga, doesn’t Hinata look a bit sick. He should probably sit out this practice, I wouldn't want my favorite underclassman to get sick.”

“Thanks for telling me Tanaka, I’ll go talk to him right now! He’ll probably argue with me telling me he’s fine, but I’ll make him sit out. He doesn’t look too hot.”

“Hey Hinata, I don’t think it’ll be good for you to practice today. You look a bit ill and I don’t want you to over work yourself okay?” 

“I’m fine Suga!!! I was only nauseous in the morning, I think I was because I didn’t eat breakfast. I ate lunch though so I should be good!!” 

Suga looks at Daichi to get confirmation if he wants Hinata to practice today. He just shrugs and Suga sighs allowing Hinata to practice instead of making him sit out. Hinata looks esatic that they aren’t making him sit out since this is the only thing bringing him joy right now. 

“Alright guys as you know we are going to Nekoma for the weekend for practice matches. Make sure that you get your permission slips signed so you can go on the trip!! That’s all I have for now. Let’s start stretching then we’re going to be doing practice matches today against each other. The teams that lose are going to be cleaning up the gym today!!” 

Everyone groaned at what coach Ukai said but shut up once they saw the glare he had. Suga, Hinata, and Nishnoya were one team. Daichi, Tanaka, and Yamaguchi were another team. The other second years Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita were put on a team together. Asahi, Tsukishima, and Kageyama were the last team put together. Hinata’s team and Kageyama’s team end up going against each other. Hinata’s team loses 1 to 2, they won the first match but lost the second one and third one. They really couldn’t believe how they won since Tsukishima and Kageyama were arguing the whole time. Next was Ennoshita’s team against Daichi’s team. Daichi’s team ended up winning 2-0, they won the first two matches so there was no need for the last one. By the time the practice matches ended practice was over, so the losing teams got to work with cleaning the gym. It didn’t take them that long, but by the time they were done their other teammates were already done getting dressed ready to go home for the night. When Hinata walks in he goes straight to his locker to get dressed. Tired of the long day he’s had today, he wants nothing more than to go home and lie in bed. When he’s done getting dressed the only people left in the club room were Kageyama, Suga, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi. Hinata feels sick to his stomach when he sees Yamaguchi making Tsukishima laugh at a joke he made. Wishing that he could be the one making him laugh over something he said. He grabs Kageyama so they can head home. They usually walk together till they have to split up, sometimes talking about class or just messing around. Today though they had too much on their mind to talk. They walked in silence till they had to split up. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow orange… call me if you’re not feeling well okay?” 

“STOP CALLING ME THAT BAKAYAMA!!! And don’t worry about me, there is no need. I’ll see you tomorrow!!” Once Hinata makes it home he can smell his mom making his favorite food tamago keke gohan. It lifts his mood significantly, as he’s eating dinner with his mom and natsu he brings up the training for the weekend. He has to convince his mom to say yes to let him go to the training camp. In the end she caves in and signs the paper allowing him to go to the training camp. He’s the happiest he’s been in a while, he ends up texting Kageyama about being able to go.

“My mom’s letting me go to the camp!! OOOO I have to let Kenma know that I’m going. I can’t wait to see him. We haven’t played against them since the last time we went. This is gonna be so fun!!!” 

“You already got your mom to sign it?? That was fast, I still have to get my mom to sign it too. And yeah it has been a while since we last played them, I can’t wait to see their faces when they see your new quick!!” 

“I know right!! Well I’m pretty tired today, good night kageyama!!” 

Hinata gets the best sleep he’s gotten the last two days. The rest of the week passes in a blur, happy to go see his friend Kenma and to be able to go against Nekoma. He hasn’t coughed up flowers that often. It also hasn’t been that painful which gives Hinata even more reason to be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha im back..... ummm this actually kinda got more attention than i thought it was going to get. so here i am dropping off another chapter. i hope yall like it. again no beta.... i dont have a beta reader lmaooo. ummmm there's still a little bit to go before shit really hits the fan soooo. also kinda sorry on how these chapters have ended.... i dont know how to end chapters. ummmm anyways hope you guys enjoyed this!!


	3. but i watch your eyes as he walks by

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AAAAHHHHH NEW CHAPTER I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT. tell me what you think about it.....

The day finally comes for them to go to Nekoma. They all get there early friday morning to make sure they get there on time to play their first practice match. Everyone loads on the bus. Yachi and Kiyoko sit at the front with Takeda sensei. Suga, Daichi,Asahi sit all the way in the back together. Tanaka and Nishinoya sit together near the back joking around as usual. Hinata and Kageyama sit right behind Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. Hinata wished nothing more than to sit with Tsukishima. Once they start to drive everyone is still sleepy from having to wake up early start to fall asleep. Except for Hinata he sees Yamaguchi lay his head on Tsukishima, jealousy burning in him. He doesn’t hate Yamaguchi. I mean how could he he’s such a sweet person. He just hates how he will never be loved how Tsukishima loves Yamaguchi. After a couple of hours they finally make it to Nekoma. Hinata is visibly vibrating knowing that one of his best friends is out there. They finally get out of the bus and Hinata runs off to find Kenma. He finds him playing on his switch and jumps in front of him to surprise him. Kenma nearly drops his game.

“KENMA I MISSED YOU!!!!”

“Hey Shouyou. I missed you too, are you ready to lose all your games against us?”

“No way we are losing after me and Kageyama worked on our quick attack!!” 

“So you’re just going to give all your secrets out to the enemy??” 

“Crap Kageyama is going to kill me…. I’ll talk to you later k?”

“See you later Shouyou!! Be ready to lose!!” 

He gets back to his teammates to grab his bags to take them to their room for the weekend. They drop all of their stuff off and get dressed for their first practice match against Fukurōdani Academy. Hinata is happy to be able to see Bokuto again after he helped him with developing a new move.

“AAHHHH MY DISCIPLE IS HERE!!! Hey, Hinata have you been working hard to become the ace?”  
“You bet I’m gonna become an ace just like you and Asahi!!”

“Well first you have to beat me in this practice match!!”

Karasuno ended up losing against Fukurōdani, but not by a lot. They did really well against them only losing by a like 3 points each time. Karasuno do their penalty flying dives and they do it with pride. Just because they lost doesn’t mean it’s going to break their spirit. All of the other matches they play on Friday they lose. Once Karasuno finish their penalties they take showers to get ready for dinner. Hinata is on such a high because not once while being at the training camp has he coughed up a flower. He eats dinner with no problem and goes to sleep just fine. He wakes up more refreshed and happy than he has in a while. Everyone gets ready for breakfast and their last day of practice matches. The first match they play is Nekoma they lose, but were really close on beating them with their new quick attack. They win 2 games against both Shinzen High, and Ubugawa High. FInally their last game before dinner is Nekoma again. They are both really close to winning both having won one of the three. They are on the final set and Karasuno wins. When they win everything happens in a blur. Everyone is finally happy that they’ve won against Nekoma that when Yamaguchi hugs Tsukishima there is a pang in Hinata’s heart that finally catches up to him. The pain that has been absent comes back full force.

“Hey you guys I’m not feeling so good, head to dinner first I’ll catch up.” 

“Hinata are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m good Kenma I’m just not feeling well after that last quick attack I did.”

“I’ll see you guys during dinner. I'm just going to the restroom!”

Everyone decides to just leave Hinata alone to go to the restroom. Kageyama had worry etched on his face. Hinata looked at him and just nodded to him to say I’m fine. Kenma saw that immediately and followed Hinata to the restroom to make sure his friend was okay. He finally makes it to the restroom where Hinata was and heard sobbing and coughing. Concerned about his friends wellbeing he bangs on the stall door where Hinata is. Startled by the sudden noise Hinata chokes on a flower he’d been having trouble getting out his throat. It has gotten worse for Hinata instead of just coughing up flower petals they’ve evolved to full flowers. Hinata asks who it is and Kenma replies.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me Kenma… Open the door Shouyou I’m worried about you!!”

“I’m fine I told you guys that already. I was just not feeling okay I just had to throw up.”

“I don’t trust you. Shouyou open the door please. Let me help you okay?”

Hinata finally opens the door to the horror on Kenmas face when he sees the flowers in the toilet. He gives Kenma a watery smile trying to convey that he’s fine and it’s nothing to worry about’

“How long Shouyou? How long has this been happening? Don’t lie to me?” 

“ I don’t really remember how long maybe 3 weeks? I’m sorry Kenma. I didn’t want anyone to know.”

“Who knows about this other than me now?”

“Only Kageyama and it wasn’t on purpose. I didn’t want anyone to know it was supposed to be a secret.” Hinata says while sobbing onto Kenmas shoulder. Kenma comforts his friend while tears are gathering in his eyes as well. He couldn’t believe that one of best friends is going through something so painful as this. It’s bad enough that the person he’s in love with doesn’t love him back but the fact that he’s being punished by coughing up flowers. He pulls his friend up and helps him clean himself up not wanting to push him any further than he already has. He shouldn’t have known this was happening to his friend, but he’s glad he does know so he can help him. They get cleaned up and make it to dinner and sit with each other since they were late anyways. Kenma tries to cheer Hinata up by telling him about his new games and how he’s already on a super hard boss level. Hinata tries so hard to keep up with Kenma but it’s so hard for him. He’s just so tired and in so much pain. Kageyama notices Hinata and Kenma sitting together and the sad look on Hinata's face and he knows that Kenma knows as well. He gets up to go sit with Hinata and Kenma even though he doesn’t talk to Kenma all that much. Once Hinata sees his best friend his mode seems to rise a bit being able to talk about volleyball without being annoying. They finish dinner in a better mood than what it was started off with. Kenma even offers to practice with Hinata and Kageyama. To which they both agree to. They are making their way to one of the gyms when they hear voices.

“Are you sure no one is going to see us Tsukki?”

“Calm down Yams everyone is getting ready for bed there isn’t anyone else outside but us.”

“Only if you say so Tsuki”

Kenma, Hinata, and Kageyama could all hear the voices but couldn’t make out what they were saying. They make it to where the voices are and see Tsukishima and Yamaguchi kissing behind one of the gyms. Hinata sees Tsukishima leaning into Yamaguchi and kisses him tenderly on the lips. This brings Hinata so much pain that he violently starts to throw up flowers and blood. The coughing noises break Tsukishima and Yamaguchi apart, and worry sets in their eyes. Kenma and Kageyama have fera in their eyes seeing that they haven’t seen Hinata throw up blood. They scrabble to find a team captain or an adult to help. Kageyama runs off to find help. While Kageyama is doing that Kenma is comforting Hinata while throwing up. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are in so much shock seeing their teammate throwing up flowers and blood that they are rooted to the ground.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING GO FIND SOME HELP!!!”

With that they scrabble to find help too. Kageyama ended up finding Yachi and Kiyoko heading to their room with all the other managers.  
“KIYOKO!! YACHI!! I NEED HELP IT’S HINATA.”

Once they heard that they ran off in the direction that Kageyama came running from. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi split up to see if they find anyone faster. Tsukishima runs into Daichi and screams at him to help.

“DAICHI HINATA IS IN TROUBLE HE’S THROWING UP BLOOD!”

Daichi and Tsukishima run into Suga and Yamaguchi while running back to Hinata. They finally make it back to where both Kenma and Hinata are. Kenma is sobbing uncontrollably while Hinata is passed out in a pile of flowers and puddles of blood. Horror sets into everyone's faces as they see Hinata passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter.... i hope yall liked it. we have gotten to the shit hits the fan part aaahhhhh. this didnt take me as long as i thought it was but here it is..... also the way this is my longest chapter yet lmaooo. anyways hope yall enjoyed it!!!


	4. let me give you my life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i was listening to take me to church on repeat while writing this...... just thought i should let yall know...... also chapter name comes from the song......

Daichi hurries and calls Takeda sensei about the situation they are in. Takeda answers the phone worried since it’s late and everyone should be sleeping to leave early tomorrow morning. But when he hears the urgency in Daichis voice he hurries and grabs Coach Ukai. 

“Sensei Hinata is in trouble. He’s passed out with a puddle of blood and flowers around him. I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m coming, don’t move him!! Hinata is going to be fine there, don't worry.”

Takeda didn’t know if he was just saying that to convince Daichi or himself. He finally finds Coach Ukai smoking outside. 

“UKAI…. HINATA IS IN TROUBLE FOLLOW ME!!!”

“What do you mean Hinata’s in trouble??”

“I’ll explain it on the way just follow me!!”

Takeda explained what had happened in the span of 10 minutes. Worry and horror spread over Ukai’s face as Takeda told him everything he knew. They are running around trying to find the group of students. They finally find them all huddled behind one of the gyms. Kenma, Kageyama, Daichi, and Suga surround Hinata with tears going down their faces. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are just standing behind them, still shocked that Hinata is passed out. Takeda calls an ambulance to get Hinata to the hospital as fast as possible not knowing what exactly is wrong with him. Takeda rides in the back with Hinata. While Ukai gathered everyone that saw what happened to take them to the hospital. They make it about 10 minutes after Hinata and Takeda make it there. They find Takeda sitting in the waiting room on the phone. 

“He’s in the emergency room right now. They want the parents here as fast as possible.”

There’s a pause as you hear Hinata’s mom talking on the other end of the phone.

“Yes I understand I’m sorry I wasn’t able to take care of your son properly.”

“That was Hinata’s mom, she’s going to try and get here as fast as she can. Until then they will tell me everything that’s wrong with Hinata. 

Everyone sits down in the waiting room to hear news about Hinata. Kageyama and Kenma look the worst out of everyone in the room. Suga and Daichi notice how they are both huddled together despite not having anything in common other than being friends with Hinata. They let Yachi and Kiyoko stay at the school to tell the rest of Karasuno what had happened, and where the rest of the team was. Suga, Daichi, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi sit together in the corner. Yamaguchi is telling Suga and Daichi what they had seen. 

“Well me and Tsuki were behind the gym. We wanted to talk and have some privacy before we went back to the room. We kissed and that’s when we heard someone coughing and throwing up. We jumped apart from each other and saw Hinata doubled over having a coughing fit.”

“I noticed him coughing up blood and I had no idea what was wrong. I was stuck just watching him. Then I saw Kageyama run off to find help while me and Yams were just standing there until Kenma yelled at us to find help too. After that we found you guys and took you to Hinata.” 

A doctor comes out searching for someone.

“Is the guardian of Shouyou Hinata here?”

“I’m his teacher, he’s under my care this weekend. His mother is on her way here. Is it fine for you to tell me what is wrong with him.”

“Since he is under your care as of now, and his mother is not her I suppose it is fine. He has Hanahaki Disease. It is an illness where the victim of unrequited or one-sided love begins to vomit or cough up the petals and flowers of a flowering plant growing in their lungs, which will eventually grow large enough to render breathing impossible if left untreated. The only way to help him at this point is to remove the flower itself, but with that the feelings Hinata has for this person will go away completely. He will never find comfort in this person nor will their friendship be the same, since all feelings towards this person will disappear.” 

Everyone looks absolutely devastated. Tears are now coming out of everyone's eyes except Tsukishima. He looks absolutely furious. 

“What the fuck is wrong with him? Why doesn’t he just get it removed? Does he really love this person so much that he’s willing to give up his life? What a fucking dumbass.” 

Everyone looks at Tsukishima with disbelief. How could he say that about Hinata when he’s in the hospital? When he could be dying? When they could lose him at any moment now? 

“HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT? DO YOU SERIOUSLY NOT CARE ABOUT HINATA THAT MUCH. HE ALWAYS TALKS ABOUT HOW COOL OF A MIDDLE BLOCKER YOU ARE AND HOW MUCH HE ADMIRES YOU. AND THIS IS HOW YOU TALK ABOUT HIM.” Kageyama yells in Tsukishima's face. 

“Yeah what the fuck is wrong with you Tuskishima. Never in all the times that I’ve played with Hinata has he ever said anything bad about you. Actually the exact opposite he has always said good things about you and his teammates. But seeing you now I could never understand why Hinata thinks so highly of you. Your a fucking horrible person, you don’t deserve to be teammates with Hinata. Fuck you.” Kenma finishes what he had to say to Tsukishima. 

Everyone else just looks at him with disbelief and disgust on how he could say such things about his teammate. It finally hits him and he just looks torn apart. He looks like he feels terrible about what he said, but no one would look or talk to him. The doctor comes out again to tell them that Hinata is awake and that Takeda can see him. Takeda hurriedly gets up to see his student. He has to work up courage to open up the door. Once he opens it he feels a pang in his chest from seeing that Hinata had tubes coming out of him to help him breathe. 

“Hey Hinata. It’s me Takeda, I’m sorry I didn’t see you were in pain. Please forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive Sensei. I did this to myself, I didn’t want anyone to know. Don’t blame yourself.” 

Takeda starts to cry as he sees how bad Hinata looks. He’s pale and thinner than he should be. He feels terrible for not seeing how bad he had been looking. He calls coach Ukai to come see Hinata as well, but he can’t get the images of Hinata in a puddle of his own blood out of his head. He decides not to see Hinata until after the disturbing images leave his head. Takeda allows the students to see Hinata before his mother gets there. Kenma and Kageyama rush to his side to make sure he’s okay. Suga and Daichi are a bit more slow to see Hinata. They feel guilty they knew something was wrong with Hinata. They knew and did nothing to help him, they allowed him to get this bad. They finally make it to the other side of Hinata’s hospital bed. They have tears in their eyes seeing how bad he looks thinking they could have prevented it. Hinata is looking at the door expecting more people to come in. So, when he sees Tsukishima and Yamaguchi walking in holding hands he knows that a coughing fit is coming his way. No one else expected it so once it started everyone has a look of panic on their face. The doctor comes rushing in to help him and makes everyone move so they can help him. Once Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are out of his view it starts to calm down. Kageyama and Kenma look at each other then at Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. It looks like they finally found out who their best friends was in love with. They ask if they can talk to Hinata alone. Everyone leaves and lets the three boys talk amongst themselves. 

“Hinata are you in love with Yamaguchi?”

“WHAT NO WAY!!!”

“Then how come when they walked in you started to cough again? Come on Hinata you know me and Kenma would never judge you if you liked him.”

“I swear I don’t like Yamaguchi.”  
“Hinata, stop lying I know you like him.”

“How many times do I have to tell you I don’t like Yamaguchi.”

“Then explain why you started coughing when he walked in!”

“STOP OKAY!! I DON’T LIKE YAMAGUCHI!! I LIKE TSUKISHIMA!”

“Are you happy now? That you made me tell you huh”

Kenma and Kageyama had a look of shock on their face when their friend revealed who he liked. Hinata had a stream of tears coming down his face. He didn’t want anyone to know that he had fallen for Tsukishima. How dumb…. The person that hates him the most and he fell in love with him. How funny….why couldn’t he just fall in love with some girl or someone who liked him. He feels so stupid right now. They don’t say anything they had already pushed too much into his business. Tsukishima walks in asking to talk to Hinata alone. Kenma and Kageyama look ready to argue again.

“It’s fine guys. I’ll be okay, don’t worry about me.”

They both walk out, but not without bumping into him to make him stumble. 

“What do you want Tsukishima? Are you here to bully me again? To call me stupid names?”

“I’m here to apologize. I want to apologize for everything I’ve ever said about you. I truly am sorry Hinata. I didn’t know you thought so highly of me and I was always mean to you. Please forgive me?”

“I forgive you Tsukishima. Don’t worry I don’t hold anything against you.”

“Wait really, you forgive me? You don’t hate me?”

“How could I ever hate the person I love the most?” Hinata says with a smile and tears running down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHAHAHA ummmm are we okay?? we are nearing the end yall...... maximum pain coming soon to your local ao3 reading browser.....


	5. tell me when you hear my silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hehehe chapter before christmas..... BRING ON THE PAIN

Tsukishima wasn’t able to say anything because the next thing he knew, he was being ushered out of the room by Mrs. Hinata. He looked back at the sad smile Hinata had on his face before changing it into a more happy one for his mom. His mind was completely blank. He had no words knowing he was the cause behind Hinata dying. 

“HONEY ARE YOU OKAY!?” was the last thing Tsukishima heard before leaving Hinata’s room. He walks out the room with a blank stare on his face. He finally makes it back to the waiting room. No one dared ask Tsukishima what Hinata talked about by just looking at the grim look on his face. Kenma and Kageyama had an idea of what went down in the room though seeing as they were his best friends. 

Back in the room Hinata’s mom is sobbing. She’s asking herself how she didn’t see her child getting so sick to the point where he’s dying. Hinata sees the distress on his moms face and tries to calm her down. 

“Mom I promise I’m fine! I didn’t want anyone to know, so don’t blame it on yourself!!”

“How can I not Hinata, you’re in a hospital bed for christ sakes! You’re my kid, my responsibility and you’re dying. How can I not blame myself? You’re going to get the surgery right? You’re going to choose to live right?” 

Hinata already knew his mom was going to ask him if he was going to get the surgery to get the feelings and flowers removed. He knew the answer before she even asked, he wasn’t. He just couldn’t bear to lose the feelings he has for Tsukishima. 

“No mom I’m not getting the surgery. I can’t bear to lose these feelings, it’s not just feelings of love but every feeling I’ve ever had towards him. I just can’t mom!”

She sees the desperation in her son's eyes and gives in. She sees how much this boy means to her son. She would never force him to do something he didn’t want to do even if it cost him his life. 

Hinata on the other hand sorta feels like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. He doesn’t have to carry the burden of lying to his friends and loved ones. They all know his secret and he could care less at this point, but at the same time he knows everything is going to change. He hates this feeling, the feeling that he has no control over what is going to happen next. 

Hinata is discharged the next day seeing as they weren’t going to do the surgery. The only thing the doctor tells him is that he is going to die if this continues. And Hinata knew this from the beginning and he understands now. This is going to be the end for him. Kiyoko brought all of Hinata’s things so he would be able to leave with his mother to rest for a couple days. 

Hinata doesn’t go to school for a week. He stays home in bed alone. His mom has tried to get him out of his room but it’s no use. Kageyama brings him his school work everyday and tries to talk to him, but he gets no answer every time he tries. When Hinata finally leaves his room it’s like nothing ever happened in the first place. 

He goes to school the next week, and he comes back acting like his usual self. Resident sunshine and Karasuno’s decoy, but that doesn’t change the new way his team acts around him. Ever since finding out Hinata has Hanahaki they decided that they were going to try and make sure he doesn’t get hurt more than he already is. 

“We shouldn’t let him play in matches against other teams anymore who knows what will happen!”

“YOU CAN’T JUST DECIDE THAT WITHOUT HIM BEING HERE COACH AND DAICHI!!! IT ISN’T FAIR TO HIM, HASN’T HE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH. TAKING AWAY HIS FAVORITE THING TO DO WOULD JUST HURT HIM MORE!!”

“I understand that Kageyama but we can’t bear to see him hurt. You remember what the doctor said. He’s going to die…. No one wants that okay we are all just worried for him.”

“Don’t you understand that this is going to hurt him more than what he’s already going through.”  
And with that Kageyama leaves. He doesn't understand why they won’t listen to him. This is just going to break hinata more than he already is. He already can’t have the one he’s in love with. Why do they want to take his way of life away? 

Hinata sees their new way they treat him. They see him as a fragile piece of glass that needs to be handled with care. What he doesn’t understand is why. They didn’t treat him like this when they didn’t know and now since they do it’s all different. He hates it. He hates feeling useless. They continue treating him like this for about 2 days before he snaps. 

“STOP TREATING ME LIKE I’M A PIECE OF GLASS. JUST BECAUSE YOU KNOW NOW DOESN’T CHANGE THAT I’M GOING TO DIE!! AND JUST BECAUSE YOU KNOW DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN TREAT ME DIFFERENT. I’M STILL THE SAME HINATA YOU KNOW, SO PLEASE JUST TREAT ME LIKE NORMAL.”

Everyone looks at Hinata with shock. They didn’t realize how much that hurt him, being treated differently. They all feel terrible for treating him differently without even considering his feelings. Kageyama on the other hand looks at everyone and his eyes say ‘I told you so’. 

After his outburst he feels embarrassed and excuses himself from the rest of practice. He hurriedly grabs his stuff from the gym and heads home. He was just so tired of everything. 

After Hinata leaves everyone decides to try and go back to normal before they knew what was wrong with hinata. They decide they are just going to be there when Hinata needs help or needs someone to talk to.

Hinata doesn’t get much sleep that night. He spends most of his night in the bathroom throwing up flower after flower. He wakes up his mom halfway through the night with his sobbing. She frantically rushes to the bathroom to comfort him. 

“Why doesn’t he love me mom? Am I that terrible?”

She doesn’t know what to say to her son. All she can do is hold him while he’s sobbing and tries to comfort him the best she can. She has tears in her eyes as she holds her son, the one she won’t have for that much longer.

Hinata finally falls asleep from exhaustion. She moves Hinata to his room to sleep more comfortably. When it’s time to wake up for school she tries to get him to stay home to rest more. He declines saying he has to apologize to his team for the outburst he had yesterday. She reluctantly lets him go to school. He’s the first person to make it to morning practice, he waits outside for his best friend. Finally Kageyama comes through the school gates and Hinata rushes to his side. 

“Sorry about yesterday Kageyama. I just hated how they were treating me differently, I couldn’t stand it.”

“Don’t apologize to me, they deserved it. I told them you would hate being treated differently, but they didn’t listen to me. It’s their fault for making you feel that way.”

Hinata beams at his best friend. He couldn’t believe how lucky he got when they became friends. Suga and Daichi make it to the gym to start setting up for the morning, and see Hinata smiling. They go up to him to apologize, but Hinata beats them to it. 

“I’m sorry for the outburst yesterday, and for leaving practice early. I hope that you can forgive me.”

“Hinata don’t apologize to us. You didn’t do anything wrong. We were wrong to treat you differently without talking to you first. We just assumed that it would be fine, we didn’t want to see you get hurt. But we can see now that we were wrong to do that.”

Once everyone gets to the gym they all apologize to Hinata, asking for forgiveness. Tsukishima can’t bear to look Hinata in the eyes after learning the reason behind him dying. 

After Tsukishima found out that he was the reason Hinata was dying he tried to see himself dating Hinata. Maybe if he could see himself dating him he could save him, but everytime he tried it didn’t feel right. In the end he gave up trying. Instead he decided that the best thing for him to do is to stop fighting with him. To stop interacting with Hinata, in his head he thinks that this is going to help. He stops holding Yamaguchi’s hand in places where people can see in fear that Hinata will see. He feels terrible that he can’t save Hinata. 

Hinata hates what Tsukishima is doing. He knows that he’s trying to be considerate of Hinata. To not hurt him more than he already has. He can’t stand that Tsukishima is no longer fighting with him. That he’s hiding the fact that he’s dating Yamaguchi. It makes him feel like he has a chance with him, so when he sees them together laughing it hurts so much more. He can feel it, He knows his days are limited. He can no longer run without wheezing or coughing up a flower. He tries to hide it with a smile, but it doesn’t work. 

Before practice ends Coach Ukai announces that they are playing a match against Nekoma before the Spring tournament. They’re coming Friday so they have 2 days to prepare. This is the best news Hinata has heard in days. He finally gets to see Kenma in weeks. Everyone sees how happy Hinata is after the rough couple of weeks he’s had. 

Friday comes before Hinata could even blink. He’s so happy he can’t focus during class and barely finishes his math test. Once his last class ends he rushes to the gym to get ready for the match. He changes into his uniform and helps set up the net. Once that is done he waits outside for Nekoma’s bus to pull up. Once the bus does pull into the parking lot, and Kenma walks out he runs to him nearly knocking the both of them on the ground. Good thing Kuroo was behind Kenma keeping them both upright. 

“Shoyo how have you been?”

“I feel good!! I’m so happy that you’re here!! I can’t wait to beat you, it’s like I’m your final boss.” 

“As if you can beat us!! I’m your final boss not mine.”

They both look happy joking around. They walk together to the gym so that Nekoma can warm up, and they can start the match. 

While Hinata was outside talking with Kenma, Daichi and Coach Ukai were considering not letting Hinata play in the match. They saw how badly Hinata was deteriorating, he could barely play a full practice match with his own team. How was he going to be able to play against Nekoma? There was just no way he wouldn’t get hurt while playing. 

“What do you mean you aren’t letting me play the match?”

Hinata had heard Daichi and Coach Ukai talking before he got into the gym. He needs to play in the match to feel normal again. So he can pretend that this never happened. 

“Hinata you have to understand, we can’t have you hurt yourself during the match. Please just sit out of this match.”

“Please at least let me play one set?”

“Okay one set! If I see you getting worked up I’m pulling you out of the game, got it?”

“Got it Coach!!”

Hinata watches Karasuno win the first set. He’s buzzing with excitement to play the next set. They call Tsukishima out so Hinata can go in and play the second set. Hinata looks back to give a thumbs up to Suga and Coach Ukai, but instead all he gets is Tsukishima and Yamaguchi holding hands. He feels a pang in his heart and a sudden urge to cough. He buries it down though, he really wants to play against Nekoma. 

Karasuno is winning the second set too. Hinata is feeling super excited seeing that this is going to be one of the few times they beat Nekoma. Hinata is spiking ball after ball, racking up points for his team. They are about to win when Kageyama sets the last ball to Hinata, when it happens. It's like it happens in slow motion one moment he's in the air next thing everyone knows he's on the ground. Hinata collapses before spiking the winning ball against Nekoma. Everyone rushes to Hinata's side. It’s like deja vu, it’s happening again. Kiyoko is calling the ambulance and Takeda sensei is calling Hinata’s mom again. This time it’s different though Hinata isn’t throwing up blood or flowers, he’s just laying on the ground not moving. They all know in their head that Hinata isn’t going to wake up. No one voices it though they all keep it to themselves. 

The ambulance comes and Hinata’s mom rushes to her son's side already knowing what they are going to tell her. He’s gone and never coming back. Everyone sobs once they hear what the paramedics say what they already knew, it doesn’t hurt them any less. For the first time they see Tsukishima and Kageyama cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys..... sorry it took so long to update. i was working on college things lmaoooo.....senior tingz. sorry if it feels a bit rushed i'm really just waiting to write the ending line lol.....anyways i hope yall liked the chapter and it lived up to your expectations if not oh well lol. i have one more chapter this one and it's the end :)


	6. why am i alone

A couple of days later there is a funeral home packed with people that loved Hinata. All of the people there are all people that Hinata had managed to impact their life. 

Hinata’s mom is at the podium talking about all the good memories of Hinata. Everyone laughs when she brings up an embarrassing memory. Everyone in the room has a watery smile and tears in their eyes. They know that Hinata wouldn’t want them to cry, but here they are crying. How could they not, they lost such a great person. 

Tsukishima almost doesn’t go to the funeral. He doesn’t know how to react to Hinata's death and it’s all his fault. Except it isn’t, well that’s what Hinata said in the letter he left for him. 

_ Dear Tsukishima,  _

_ Can I call you Tsuki?? Hehe well I will because if you’re reading this then I died and you can’t tell me I can’t. I don’t want you to blame yourself for my death okay? You can’t blame yourself for my death. It was all on me, I’m the one who fell in love with you. And to be honest I have no idea why I fell in love with you. Out of everyone I could have fallen for it was you. Crazy right? I mean since the beginning you never really liked me so why? I ask myself that all the time. And I don’t know why and I guess I never will know why. Well since I’m gone I want you to move on! Don’t think about me. I know It’ll be hard since I know you think you’re the reason I’m dead. If everyone doesn’t already know who I was in love with, don't tell them! I mean you can, since I’m not there to stop you. It’s your choice. Just know that I will always love you. Stay strong Tsuki! _

_ Love,  _

_ Shouyou Hinata _

Tsukishima wanted to scream at Hinata when he read that letter. How could he be so careless with his life? To throw it away because you love someone. He just couldn’t understand. But he supposes he doesn’t have to understand. He would never have to understand. 

He had a constant battle with himself if he wanted to tell everyone he was the reason why Hinata died. He knows for a fact that Kageyama and Kenma knew that he was the one Hinata was in love with. They didn’t treat him any different so he wants to think that everyone else will be the same. He decided that this is something that he’d take to the grave. This was his pain to endure alone, no one else's. 

Kageyama was the last one to speak at Hinata’s funeral. He didn’t want to speak, He didn’t want to stand in front of everyone and show how much he’ll miss hinata. 

“He was supposed to stand on the court longer than me. He was supposed to beat me. We were going to be partners forever. Hinata was my first friend. He’ll always be my first friend. He taught me so much about being a better person. I don’t think that i’d be as happy as I am right now if it wasn’t for him. He was always there for me, and I hate that I couldn’t be there when he needed it the most. I know everyone in this room loved Hinata and as his best friend I’m so happy that there are a ton of people who love him as much as I do. I will continue to play volleyball in his name because I know he wouldn’t want me to stop. I ask that you all do the same.”

Everyone can’t help but look at Kageyama with tears in their eyes. They all see how torn up he is. They see that he has lost a piece of him that no one can replace. Hinata was his other half and to lose him so soon is not easy. Everyone knows they’ll have to keep an eye on him. They all know he’ll take it the hardest. 

As Kageyama is walking up to say his final goodbye to his best friend he feels something in his throat. He dismisses it as tears and continues to the casket. He walks up slowly and sees his best friend in the casket. He leans over to say his final words to Hinata.

“I will always love you.” he says as he coughs up a flower. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end of my first fanfic !!! i hope that y'all like reading it as much as i liked writing it. this was kind of just to wrap it up. the main reason i even started writing the fic was because i wanted to write the ending line. well thanks again !!

**Author's Note:**

> Um so this is my first fanfic ever. I don't really know how good it is.... or if it is any good at all. If anyone reads this and wants me to continue it I will. Ummm also I don't really know how long this fic is going to be. But I am a senior in high school so if I do decide to continue the fic it will sometimes take awhile for me to update the fic, but if this gets a lot of love I will try and update it soon!! Thanks for reading if you did!!!!


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